Something good is coming my Way

Somebody asked me the other day if I was dating anyone at the moment. 

I was about to give my standard answer when I suddenly realised that yes, I was. Myself. 

For the past few days or weeks I have been dating and rediscovering looking up parts of me that I had neglected or forgotten over the years. 

I have been spending a lot of time with myself at home doing a lot of simple things that give me pleasure. 

Like tending to my plants. Making simple home food that's brought me comfort and rather than baking or making food that's more designed to impress others or to be honest, to show off skills. Keeping a conscious check on my mind when it runs away with overthinking.
I have also been quiter than usual because I no longer feel the need to talk incessantly in a bid to make myself heard. 

Or approved of. 

And it feels glad when people have sought me out themselves for conversation. Real conversation. Real people.

 It has almost been like dating an ex. 

Only in this case the ex is none other than me myself, or rather, a more honest, easygoing and vulnerable me who had been much put down. 

Sometimes by the world and mostly by my own self. I have been more my own critic than anyone else. 

I have been trying to silence that endless stream of thought and spend more time doing things I love. 

This vulnerability has enabled me to look for answers within myself and ask for hugs when I need them or even ask for what I feel I truly deserve. 

I feel the need to be more mindful of people and I have seen the honesty and vulnerability open up in others to me when I let my own fears emerge unhindered.
And the more I get in touch with this person, the more I naturally dissociate from people who have never really seen the quiter, more genuine side of me. Or not tried to. or those people who subconsciously brought out that side of me that made me want to be such an imposter. 

To be honest again, it has been me allowing myself to be something I am not just to be more accepted than otherwise.
Without hard feelings, I can now choose not to remain or to turn up at any table where I am relegated to the sidelines as a non-fun person. Or silenced every time I try to speak my mind. maybe that table wasn't meant for me. 

Or maybe I needed a smaller table with people who might not be similar but let me be myself. So be in peace. 

While I seek out my own happiness. 

However incongruous it might sound, Internally I have always been a quiet person. 

Words flow freely yes, feelings are so much more difficult for me to manifest. Realising now that feelings make themselves heard with fewer words as well. and that love should come easy and naturally. 

Not chased by "doing" things for people. 

It feels like a fresh lease of life. It feels like something good is coming my way. :) love and hugs to you all. Welcome to join me in my journey.